UPDATE 8/15: Valve has published the full list of the Heavy’s Achievements, and our contest is now closed! Look for our analysis and winner announcement soon!
Valve put up a list, this morning, of the 35 new achievements that will become available in next week’s Heavy Update. The official website lists only the names of the achievements, with each descriptor reading “Coming Soon.” However, when one downloads the pictures for the new achievement icons, the filenames reveal a few interesting hints as to what each new achievement will involve. This may well have been on purpose — Valve’s Erik Johnson told us last month that the team loves to drop little hints and watch the community run wild.
So, join us as we run wild, and analyze the new Heavy Achievements. These are unofficial and, of course, unconfirmed by Valve — pure speculation. Still, we invite your comments and suggestions — and we’re offering a prize, to boot. Read on!
So, here’s the deal: We have no way of knowing how many of our predictions will come true. We’re making educated guesses, of course, but once the achievements are fully revealed, a number of our guesses will inevitably be wrong. You, however, can profit from our incorrectness! Leave a comment with your guess as to how many of the achievements we’ve correctly guessed, and you can win a copy of TF2. We’ll pick up the game through Steam, and gift it to the account of your choice (so if you already have TF2, which you probably do if you’re reading this, you can give your prize to a deserving friend). Comments must (obviously) contain a valid email address, and the prize will go to the reader who guesses the closest, fastest (duplicate answers will go to the first to submit it). Oh, and you can guess in fractions if you think we’re only half-right about an answer — but you have to explain yourself!
Entries will be accepted until such time as any part of the official achievements list is confirmed by Valve. Let the speculation begin…
Achievement: Iron Kurtain
Suspiciously Revealing Filename: tf_heavy_damage_taken
Rampant Speculation: Well, those 300 health points are pretty handy for soaking up damage, making the Heavy TF2’s meat shield of choice. We believe this achievement will be granted for soaking up incoming damage from enemy fire, allowing the Heavy to act as an “Iron Kurtain.” We’ll guess that this will have to be enough damage to slaughter the heavy 50 times over: 15,000 damage. Also, we believe this damage has to be from enemy fire; you won’t be able to build your achievement meter through self-inflicted damage, so you can’t stand in front of 50 trains, or leap off 50 cliffs.
Achievement: Spyalectical Materialism
Suspiciously Revealing Filename: tf_heavy_uncover_spies
Rampant Speculation: Seems pretty obvious, doesn’t it? I mean, there’s the icon, shining a spotlight on a Spy, and the filename says “uncover spies.” We believe this achievement will be granted for killing several disguised spies. Based on the Pyro Achievement with the same requirement, we’re placing the number at 10.
Achievement: Party Loyalty
Suspiciously Revealing Filename: tf_heavy_defend_medic
Rampant Speculation: Get behind me, doctor! Now, it’s one thing to get kills while assisted by/assisting a medic, but here’s the thing — there are some achievements here which have “assist” in their names, while this one explicitly says “defend.” Our guess? This achievement will be granted for stepping into the line of fire for 10 medics who are taking damage from the enemy. DE-FENSE! *clap clap clap*
Achievement: Permanent Revolution
Suspiciously Revealing Filename: tf_heavy_kill_while_spunup
Rampant Speculation: Now, this one might be tricky to get: Using the minigun’s alt-fire spin-up technique, we suspect you’re going to have to kill several enemies with the alt-fire still held down, and reach a certain number of kills before you’re allowed to let your gun stop. Even knowing the 200 bullet capacity on the basic minigun, we’re going to put that number at 10 enemies. You may want to stand near a dispenser and/or get a Kritzkrieg to help you out.
Achievement: Division of Labor
Suspiciously Revealing Filename: tf_heavy_assist_medic_large
Rampant Speculation: See? “Assist.” It’s right there. This one seemed pretty straightforward at first; buddy up with a Medic and have him assist you on a bunch of kills, right? Ah, but take a look at the icon for this one: That doesn’t look like the medigun profile. No, it looks more like the syringe gun, which means the Medic is taking an offensive role. We are therefore guessing that this achievement will be granted when you assist the Medic on 5 kills in the same life, where he delivers the killing blow. First, do lots of harm.
Achievement: Heavy Industry
Suspiciously Revealing Filename: tf_heavy_fire_lots
Rampant Speculation: Okay, the objective is obvious: Over the course of your Heavy career, you need to shoot lots and lots and lots of bullets. But, how many bullets are we talking about here? Let’s remember the “Meet the Heavy” video: “She weighs one hundred fifty kilograms and fires two hundred dollar, custom-tooled cartridges at ten thousand rounds per minute. It costs four hundred thousand dollars to fire this weapon… for twelve seconds.” Now, I don’t see any noteworthy achievement taking merely twelve seconds to accomplish, so how about we attach a higher figure to it? Let’s say you use your heavy to pump one million dollars into the economy! Let’s figure that out… 1,000,000 / $200 per round = 5,000 shots. At 200 bullets per load, you’d have to expend 25 full loads of ammo. Nice round number, isn’t it? You’ll get this achievement for firing 5,000 bullets, we say.
Achievement: Red Oktoberfest
Suspiciously Revealing Filename: tf_heavy_earn_medic_domination
Rampant Speculation: Well, even Oktoberfest being a clearly German theme, and the word “medic” appearing right there in the filename, this seems fairly obvious. You can get a domination against another player by assisting in their demise, and the bullets are hanging so pleasantly around the health cross there, so this one seems easy — earn a domination for the medic who is healing you. But, to make it a little trickier, we’re going to guess that the two of you have to get all three kills together, as a pair. So, for instance, that medic can’t assist in kills against that player with two other attackers; he has to piggyback on three kills from the same Heavy to earn that heavy the achievement.
Achievement: Communist Mani-Fisto
Suspiciously Revealing Filename: tf_heavy_kill_crit_punch
Rampant Speculation: Aha! An achievement based around the new KGB weapon. It’d be simple, of course, to say that this involves earning the 5 seconds of guaranteed critical hits, and then using those critical hits to earn another melee kill… so we will. We don’t think this will require chaining together a certain number of KGB kills in the same critical streak. No, we think this will just involve killing 5 enemies, at any time, using melee hits during the “guaranteed critical” phase. Pow!
Achievement: Show Trial
Suspiciously Revealing Filename: tf_heavy_kill_taunt
Rampant Speculation: When you consider that this has happened before, this one seems really simple. Our prediction: In the Heavy Update, the Heavy’s melee taunt (in which he pantomimes a gun and goes “Pow!”) will now be able to deal a high level of damage. In order to earn this achievement, you have to kill someone with it. Bang! You’re Dead! Except you really are. Good luck getting this one legitimately.
Achievement: Redistribution of Health
Suspiciously Revealing Filename: tf_heavy_heal_medikits
Rampant Speculation: The Heavy and the Medic are best friends, and a good Heavy knows to save the medikits for his Medic pal, since the Medic can’t heal himself very effectively. But, some Heavies are antisocial, and run into battle without Medics — or, sometimes, a Medic just gets himself killed. It’d be simple enough, of course, to grab a bunch of medikits as a Heavy, but Valve wouldn’t make an achievement that promoted keeping medikits unavailable for the rest of your team, would they? Our guess: You will earn this achievement for picking up 10 medikits when you need them — which is to say, when you’re at 50 health or less.
Achievement: Crime and Punishment
Suspiciously Revealing Filename: tf_heavy_kill_flag_carriers
Rampant Speculation: The crime? Stealing your team’s intelligence! The punishment? Painful rapid-fire death. No fancy requirements here: Earn this achievement for killing 10 enemies who are carrying your intelligence.
Achievement: Rationing
Suspiciously Revealing Filename: tf_heavy_kill_shotgun
Rampant Speculation: As we’ve established, those minigun bullets are expensive as hell. Best to conserve them by racking up kills with your shotgun – 50 ought to do it. Not in the same life, mind you.
Achievement: Class Struggle
Suspiciously Revealing Filename: tf_heavy_kill_medic_pair
Rampant Speculation: It’s always tragic when best friends fight. A Heavy, attacking a Medic? It’s poetic, in its own way — can you deal damage faster than the Medic can heal it? This achievement will be granted for killing a Medic, and the enemy he’s healing, ten times.
Achievement: Vanguard Party
Suspiciously Revealing Filename: tf_heavy_first_to_cap
Rampant Speculation: Well, given that the “vanguard” is, by definition, the guys in front of the pack, this one is going to be hard to do, what with the Heavy being such a slow, lumbering behemoth. But, with a cooperative team that’s only too happy to hide behind the meat shield, we believe you will earn this achievement for being the first member of your team to get on an uncontested or fully enemy-controlled capture point (no half-captured points, even if the players who started the capture are long dead by the time you arrive) – and then being there when the point is captured, too. You’ll have to do this three times.
Achievement: Soviet Block
Suspiciously Revealing Filename: tf_heavy_block_invuln_heavy
Rampant Speculation: Now, this is a tricky one to pin down. “Block invuln heavy?” An ubercharged Heavy is nigh-unstoppable, unless you’re a Pyro, Soldier, or Demoman who can separate him from his Medic. Well, folks, they don’t call him the Heavy for nothing: You will earn this achievement for physically standing in the way of an ubercharged enemy Heavy, until his ubercharge runs out. We’re going to recommend you go ahead and get ubercharged yourself before trying this.
Achievement: Pushkin the Kart
Suspiciously Revealing Filename: tf_heavy_payload_cap_grind
Rampant Speculation: FORWARD GLORIOUS CART! No surprises here — help push the cart during games of Payload, and contribute to 100 point captures with it. It is a grind, after all.
Achievement: Stalin the Kart
Suspiciously Revealing Filename: tf_heavy_block_cart
Rampant Speculation: Exactly the opposite of the last one. While playing defense on games of Payload, spend a grand total of five minutes (300 seconds) standing near the cart, thus preventing it from advancing. This might not seem like a long time, but you’ll have to be actively preventing the cart from moving, which means you’ll only rack up time when there’s an enemy player attempting to push it forward.
Achievement: Marxman
Suspiciously Revealing Filename: tf_heavy_kill_midair_minigun
Rampant Speculation: Pesky flying enemies! This doesn’t actually seem so difficult, really; it should be a simple matter to unleash the minigun’s torrent of slaughter upon airborne enemies. Unless, of course, you hit some of your really high-flying foes. We’re going to guess that this achievement is earned by killing 25 rocket-jumping Soldiers, and killing 25 bomb-jumping Demomen. Banzai!
Achievement: Supreme Soviet
Suspiciously Revealing Filename: tf_heavy_receive_uber_grind
Rampant Speculation: Another achievement based on doing what Heavies do best, and doing a lot of it. There’s a catch, though; the filename suggests that this achievement is unlocked by receiving ubercharges, but doesn’t that seem fairly passive? I mean, if you had a cooperative Medic, you could get this achievement without even leaving the spawn point. Makes it seem like more of a Medic achievement than a Heavy one, no? So, here’s our guess: Earn this achievement by receiving 100 ubercharges, during which you kill at least one enemy character or building.
Achievement: Gorky Parked
Suspiciously Revealing Filename: tf_heavy_defend_control_point
Rampant Speculation: Nothing simpler in the world. Prevent the enemy from jumping onto Red/Blue base by killing folks who dare to tread on your control points. The trick to it, however, is that you have to “park” yourself on a particular control point, and defend the hell out of it. We’re guessing you’ll earn this achievement for defending the same control point 10 times in one life.
Achievement: Factory Worker
Suspiciously Revealing Filename: tf_heavy_stand_near_dispenser
Rampant Speculation: Need a dispenser here! Need a dispenser here! Need a dispenser here! Need a dispenser here! Need a dispenser here! Need a dispenser here! Need a dispenser here! Need to get this achievement by firing continuously while being resupplied by a dispenser for 25 kills here! Not all in the same life here!
Achievement: Purge
Suspiciously Revealing Filename: tf_heavy_kill_capping_enemies
Rampant Speculation: Similar to “Gorky Parked,” except the control point doesn’t have to be yours, so it doesn’t have to count as “defense.” All you need to do is kill enemies who are capturing a control point. You will kill 100 cowards for that.
Achievement: Soviet Union
Suspiciously Revealing Filename: tf_heavy_assist_heavy_grind
Rampant Speculation: We make GOOD TEAM! Grind this achievement by grinding your enemies into hamburger with your fellow Heavies. When two Heavies are both shooting an enemy, it’s fairly random who will get credited with the kill, and who will score the assist, so you’ll earn a point towards this achievement in either event. On the other hand, to make up for it, you’ll have to do this 150 times.
Achievement: Lenin a Hand
Suspiciously Revealing Filename: tf_heavy_revenge_assist
Rampant Speculation: When you’re a Heavy, everyone is smaller and weaker than you, so it’s up to you to make sure they don’t get bullied. We believe you will earn this honorable achievement by assisting in 10 revenge kills against enemies who are dominating your fellow players. You can also earn a point towards this by killing a nemesis while the dominated player assists you.
Achievement: 0wn the Means of Production
Suspiciously Revealing Filename: tf_heavy_clear_stickybombs
Rampant Speculation: We’re going to go out on a limb on this one. The Heavy has always been able to clear away sticky bombs with his gun like everyone else, but it’s one thing to move the bombs away, and quite another to “0wn” them. Plus, the icon totally shows the bomb being broken. Our hypothesis: In the new update, the Heavy will get a weapon capable of destroying sticky bombs (and potentially other things), and he will earn this achievement by destroying 100 such sticky bombs.
Achievement: Five Second Plan
Suspiciously Revealing Filename: tf_heavy_teleport_fast_kill
Rampant Speculation: This one is going to be fun, if we’re right. We initially thought this would involve popping out of a teleporter and then killing an enemy within five seconds, but in order for a Heavy to get anywhere close enough to kill an enemy in five seconds, you’d be too dependent on a really good engineer. The teleporter would have to be right next to the enemy, yet far enough away that they wouldn’t instantly destroy it. So, here’s our guess, instead: Get set up near a teleporter, but don’t destroy it. Instead, wait for an enemy to use it, and then blast the hell out of them the instant they pop out. You’ll earn a point every time you kill someone within five seconds of their appearance from a teleporter, and you’ll get this achievement for scoring said points on five unfortunate schlubs. How’d that plan work out for ya, dummy?
Achievement: Krazy Ivan
Suspiciously Revealing Filename: tf_heavy_kill_underwater
Rampant Speculation: Rack up a bunch of kills underwater — simple, right? Disagreement! There’s two factors at work here: If you look at the icon, you’ll note that the submarine periscope is clearly facing the back. Also, the Crazy Ivan is an actual submarine maneuver from the Cold War, which was used specifically to spot enemy subs approaching from behind the vessel. We therefore believe you will earn this achievement for killing 10 enemies, underwater, who are coming at you from behind.
Achievement: Photostroika
Suspiciously Revealing Filename: tf_heavy_freezecam_taunt
Rampant Speculation: This achievement will the same as it is for the Medic and Pyro: Provide your fallen foes with each of your three taunts during their post-death freezecam shots.
Achievement: Rasputin
Suspiciously Revealing Filename: tf_heavy_take_multi_damage
Rampant Speculation: Rasputin, of course, was famously killed through just about every method available at the time. The man wouldn’t stay down. One has to imagine he had 300 health. Get ready to be in pain, folks, and bring your favorite medic, because in order to get this achievement, you will need to be hurt by every single class in the game in one life, and live through it. Long enough to get the achievement, anyway. Then you can die.
Achievement: Konspicuous Konsumption
Suspiciously Revealing Filename: tf_heavy_eat_sandwiches
Rampant Speculation: Okay — this is the one that started it all. There’s no way around it; the filename clearly says “eat sandwiches.” Eat sandwiches! That’s so far removed from any other TF2 terminology that it can only be taken at its literal meaning. So here’s our guess: The new gameplay mode which Valve alluded to is going to involve food, including sandwiches. We don’t know how, or why, or what their function or purpose will be, but by God, there will be sandwiches. And you will get this achievement for eating 50 of them. Mark our words.
Achievement: Icing on the Cake
Suspiciously Revealing Filename: tf_heavy_kill_dominated
Rampant Speculation: Well, as long as we’ve gone ahead and suggested that there’s going to be a food-centric gameplay mode, we may as well stick to our guns (so to speak). Our even farther-reaching hypothesis: Eating food in this new gameplay mode will be a central objective, but like capture points and carts, eating the food will be time-consuming, and will leave you fairly vulnerable while doing it. To get this achievement, kill someone who is trying to eat your food, and in doing so, earn a domination over that player.
Achievement: Don’t Touch Sandvich
Suspiciously Revealing Filename: tf_heavy_kill_scouts
Rampant Speculation: Let’s face it: The Scout is a dick. He is a smart-mouthed little jerk who runs around scattergunning everything, his dialogue is all “tough guy” talk, and as evidenced in the Meet the Scout video, he likes to beat up the Heavy and steal his sandwich. Not this time, comrade. Once more going back to the “food gameplay” suggestion, we believe you will earn this achievement by reversing the Scout video and killing 20 Scouts who are trying to eat your sandwiches.
Achievement: Crock Block
Suspiciously Revealing Filename: tf_heavy_survive_crocket
Rampant Speculation: Believe me, we were just as tempted as you to guess that you’d get this achievement for surviving against a Sniper in a coonskin cap. But, no, this one seems fairly obvious — “crocket” in this instance is “crit rocket,” and you will be awarded this achievement for withstanding five of them over the course of your illustrious career.
Achievement: Borscht Belt
Suspiciously Revealing Filename: tf_heavy_kill_heavies_gloves
Rampant Speculation: How can you play Team Fortress 2 with boxing gloves on? Using the new KGB melee weapon, go toe-to-toe with other Heavies that are also using the boxing gloves, and duke it out. Win the championship achievement by scoring ten “knockouts” against glove-wielding Heavies.
Achievement: Kollectivization
Suspiciously Revealing Filename: tf_heavy_assist_grind
Rampant Speculation: The motherlode — the ultimate Heavy grind. Spin up that minigun, and don’t stop shooting until everyone else is dead. You will need to score fully 1,000 assists in order to earn this coveted achievement.
Well, that’s all of them. We welcome your comments if you’ve got your own ideas as to what these mean.
Enter your contest guesses soon, before Valve reveals what they really are and ends the contest. May the heaviest man win!
August 13th, 2008 at 7:28 pm
All your guesses about sandwiches are probably incorrect so I will guess 30/35.
August 13th, 2008 at 7:32 pm
I’m gonna say you’ve got an even dozen right. Some of these do sound feasible based on the filenames. Of course, if I were the creators, I’d figure someone would peek at those and name them out of general evilness…
August 13th, 2008 at 7:35 pm
25
August 13th, 2008 at 7:36 pm
I guess you guys got 18 right.
We’ll just have to wait and see, though
August 13th, 2008 at 7:47 pm
I’d say 10. No offense.
August 13th, 2008 at 7:53 pm
All of them.
I’m betting on a long shot.
August 13th, 2008 at 8:04 pm
I’m going to say 16
August 13th, 2008 at 8:06 pm
I’m going to go on the low end and say 4
August 13th, 2008 at 8:11 pm
9/35
These things are fairly hard to guess on, especially since we have no idea what the new gametype will be, so yeah.
August 13th, 2008 at 8:28 pm
My guess is 23.
August 13th, 2008 at 8:37 pm
I guess 27/35.
August 13th, 2008 at 8:38 pm
23/35
August 13th, 2008 at 8:47 pm
I’m going to randomly speculate that 21 of your guesses are correct.
August 13th, 2008 at 8:49 pm
I’d say 20 are correct.
August 13th, 2008 at 8:57 pm
Hrmm…
a nice even 20/35
August 13th, 2008 at 9:00 pm
14
August 13th, 2008 at 9:03 pm
well… I can’t read then. (Curse you El Josho!)
I will be a little more pessimistic and venture a 19.
My apologies.
August 13th, 2008 at 9:14 pm
I’m going to guess 15 are correct, and 11 are mostly correct with specific numbers incorrect (for example, on Kollectivization it’s going to be some thing like 2500 rather than 1000).
August 13th, 2008 at 9:23 pm
So… that’s, like, 20.5 or so, Stephen?
Remember — you can guess we’ll be 1/2 or 1/3 right on certain achievements, and we invite you to tell us why!
August 13th, 2008 at 9:24 pm
Eh, I guess I’ll just pick a number. 24/35
August 13th, 2008 at 9:26 pm
13.
That is all
August 13th, 2008 at 9:33 pm
22 right. Good speculation though.
August 13th, 2008 at 10:29 pm
31/35 correct- the sandwich will replace the heavies shotgun as an alt weapon.
August 13th, 2008 at 10:36 pm
32/35
August 13th, 2008 at 10:45 pm
I’m going with 17 correct.
Redistribution of health will involve 9 medkits, not 10.
Vanguard Party won’t involve getting on the point first, just being there for the first cap.
Stalin the Kart will involve number of times you get near it, not time you spend at it.
I’d putting Marxman down as killing any 5 foes only.
I’m guessing Borsch Belt won’t involve them wearing gloves, just you.
I’m giving you half a point for each of those.
I think you’re wrong on Soviet Block and Crazy Ivan, as well as all the food-related ones. That’s four totally wrong, and half a point for the scout one.
I’m guessing Rasputin will be more like “Take 2,000 damage in a single life, and no point there for you.
So 22.5 points.
August 14th, 2008 at 12:24 am
Ooh ooh, I’m gonna go for 26 because no one took that yet, and no doubt you’ll be softies and pat yourselves on the back with plenty of half marks
August 14th, 2008 at 1:31 am
12
August 14th, 2008 at 2:34 am
29, since it hasn’t been taken. Good job guys.
August 14th, 2008 at 2:49 am
i’m not entering but it seems like crazy ivan will be killing spys underwater, and the second one is cloaked spys rather than disguised spys
August 14th, 2008 at 2:52 am
Iron Kurtain : Right choice, but I think you will endure over 7,000 health points or 10,000, like the Intern/Specialist achievement. Or, how about 100,000, as the Heavy is used to undergo many bullets ?
Spyalectical Materialism : Fire and discover Spies. Not to kill them, as the Heavy fires a lot, Spies have trouble to go cloaked in front of them, so I suggest the Heavy will discover 50 cloaked Spies.
Party Loyalty : Your Medic buddy gets a real pain in the arse. Sometimes they even go to the front with you, if they’re real friends. My guess : Save the Medic before he gets killed instantly, like his achievement “Triage”.
Permanent Revolution : Hold your minigun for five secondes then kill a guy, then hold again and wait to kill someone, repeat the same pattern over ten times.
Division of Labor : As you said, the Heavy hurts the enemy, then the Medic himself gives the FINAL CUT ! haha (over ten times)
Heavy Industry : I say firing endlessly for one or two minutes. That means no dispenser allowed. OR you have to fire 1,000,000 bullets, since each character has its own 1,000,000 goal.
Red Oktoberfest : A Medic dominates an enemy, then the Heavy dominates the same guy. Not the contrary.
Communist Mani-Fisto : Kill ten enemies with a single punch each time.
Show Trial : Imagine the Pyro would kill you with his taunt. Get behind him and show him what Death means. I suggest killing him with fists.
Redistribution of Health : You said it, when his health is red, the Heavy must check for medikits (50 times ?)
Crime and Punishment : KILL FIVE ENEMIES CARRYING YOUR INTEL, BUDDY !
Rationing : 20 kills with shotgun. Easy.
Class Struggle : Kill the Medic healing the enemy Heavy, then give him a bullet in his head too.
Vanguard Party : The Heavy captures each point (first). Or he captures first five times. (it’s almost the same depending the map you’re playing)
Soviet Block : Block a über-Heavy with the new Minigun which may slow the enemy, hoping you were übered too. Or, turn around him so he cannot move, but I can’t imagine how to do it.
Pushkin the Kart : The Heavy captures all control points in Goldrush.
Stalin the Kart : The Heavy blocks the cart five times.
Marxman : Kill 20 flying enemies with Sascha the Minigun (Soldier, Demoman).
Supreme Soviet : The Heavy gets übered ten times in a single game (by one or more medics) OR he has like 50 übercharges to gain.
Gorky Parked : Kill 50 enemies capping your point.
Factory Worker : Defend your position by standing to a dispenser then kill five or ten enemies.
Purge : Like “Ubi concordia, ibi victoria” achievement, you kill 5 enemies on their point, then capture it.
Soviet Union : Assist in 50 killings with a Heavy buddy.
Lenin a Hand : Equals “Doctor Assited Homicide” but this time, you get your Medic avenged, for instance.
0wn the Means of Production : Move away the sticky bombs by firing them just before they explode and hurt you. That means timing. (Over 100 times like Hot Potato ?)
Five Second Plan : Kill 5 enemies with teleport particles all around you.
Krazy Ivan : Kill 20 enemies underwater.
Photostroika : You mentioned the three different taunts with the freezecam.
Rasputin : You must be hurt by five different enemies at the same time, then kill them.
Konspicuous Konsumption : Eat sandwiches to win this achievement. Ten or twenty times. (Meaning that maybe the medikits will be different depending which player you will play).
Icing on the Cake : Kill five times the player you have dominated, but don’t die before you did it !
Don’t Touch Sandvich : Punch five Scouts if they take your sandwich.
Crock Block : Stand in front of a Kritz Rocket and SURVIVE !
Borscht Belt : Punch ten Heavies with your fists.
Kollectivization : 1000 kill assists ? 10,000 ? 100,000 ???
Here’s my thoughts, they are similar to yours, but I’d rather giving my explaination to clarify my ideas.
August 14th, 2008 at 3:07 am
I’d say 27/35.
August 14th, 2008 at 3:15 am
11 (eleven) are correct. I think like this because all other numbers are occupied
August 14th, 2008 at 4:47 am
Going for 23.56324466213572. And a half.
August 14th, 2008 at 6:24 am
I’m going to say 6. I think you guys have the right ideas, but have the wrong numbers.
August 14th, 2008 at 6:48 am
Permanent Revolution - Kill someone using only the altfire on the minigun.
The spin of the barrel will probably be given melee damage. It would make sense and it would be awesomly cool.
August 14th, 2008 at 6:49 am
0/35
Well, someone already took the “all” longshot, so I’ll take the “none” longshot.
August 14th, 2008 at 8:57 am
7 of them are 100% correct,
10 of them are 50-99% correct,
8 of them are 1-49% correct,
and the rest (10) are utterly wrong!
August 14th, 2008 at 9:08 am
35/35 =)
August 14th, 2008 at 9:51 am
Okay, the Heavy industry will be 200 shots (12 seconds) but at enemies, and in one life.
Party loyalty is just wrong, and so is redistribution of health.
For rationing, I think your minigun has to be full while you get the shotgun kills.
For marxman, you need to kill 50 airborne scouts, not demomen.
For Konsumption, you’ll need to eat 5-10 in a single life (depending on how hard they are to eat)
And last, for Don’t touch Sandvich, you need to kill the same scout, three times in a life.
August 14th, 2008 at 10:54 am
i thjink 19 cause it come the 19 august
August 14th, 2008 at 12:25 pm
20 :]
August 14th, 2008 at 12:50 pm
My wild speculation (and this goes against a lot of the names of the icons) is that the heavy will be able to drop health packs (or otherwise heal) from his own health reserves. Perhaps the drops will be food items like a sandwich that anyone can pick up. Or some sort of health transfer gun. This is so that achievements such as “Division of Labor”, “Party Loyalty”, “Class Struggle”, and “Redistribution of Health” will have meanings related to healing your comrades with your dropped health packs. Maybe he’ll be able to drop ammo. Maybe he’ll be able to pick up sticky bombs and make them into ammo.
This is a reach, but as the author has proven, it’s fun to speculate.
August 14th, 2008 at 1:11 pm
8/35
August 14th, 2008 at 1:50 pm
5/35.
I would like to go for a 5.something, but I’m not.
August 14th, 2008 at 2:19 pm
I guess 28 and a half
the half because I don’t think Spyalectical Materialism requires you to uncover disguised spies, but fully cloaked spies.
August 14th, 2008 at 4:45 pm
30,5/35
The half? it’s actually three halves. One half is about the spy thing; it’ll be discover the cloaked spies, not disguised ones. Both at best.
Half right about receiving ubers and killing peple. Just receiving ubers will do.
Half right about dont touch sandvitch. Simply because the filename does not imply usage of sandwitches. But You will kill scouts.
You are wrong on Icing otn the cake - to me, it’s obvious that You have to kill someone whom You already dominate _yet another time_ - not only did You humiliate him buy dominating him, no, You also spoil his revenge as icing on the cake.
You are also wrong about the five seconds plan. IT WILL be killing someone in 5 seconds after YOU get on a teleport. Hard to do? Well, it’s an achievement! It rewards heavies for playing right and getting onto teleporters while spinning their barrel I got killed by a heavy once or twice like that just befre I could finish off the teleporter ( and once while I was camping one. Yeah, sue me
)
Totally wrong on the konsumption. I think Valve’s just messing with us
btw, You got at least one number wrong. I’m missing the ONE MILLION achievement. I’m guessing it will be that fire lots ( also possibly not just fire, but also HIT ), buuut… I don’t think number crounches count. If they did, I’d probably give You a … five or something
( crocket, rasputin, block heavy, taunt kill, taunt snapshot - because You can’t get the numbers wrong with those 
)
owell, we’ll see ^^
August 14th, 2008 at 6:51 pm
I’m gonna say 3. I just think a lot of your numbers are going to be off.
August 14th, 2008 at 8:36 pm
Let’s say, well, six.
August 15th, 2008 at 1:26 am
Out of 35, I’d say you guys got 18 wrong.
17/35
August 15th, 2008 at 2:25 am
“Achievement: Marxman
Suspiciously Revealing Filename: tf_heavy_kill_midair_minigun
Rampant Speculation: Pesky flying enemies! This doesn’t actually seem so difficult, really; it should be a simple matter to unleash the minigun’s torrent of slaughter upon airborne enemies. Unless, of course, you hit some of your really high-flying foes. We’re going to guess that this achievement is earned by killing 25 rocket-jumping Soldiers, and killing 25 bomb-jumping Demomen. Banzai!”
Personally i think itll be you have to kill someone using your minigun while your in midair ala jumping of the 2fort battlements but we’ll see
with your other guess ima gonna go with about 27 right
August 15th, 2008 at 9:05 am
I’d say most are right, save the food ones. My guess? The new Shotgun is going to have a new taunt, involving a sandvich. You have to do that taunt X number of times, and you have to do it X number of times after you kill a scout (maybe with fists) to get it.
August 15th, 2008 at 11:54 am
To rephrase my previous, that’s 28.
August 15th, 2008 at 1:29 pm
Okay my guess is 14.
August 15th, 2008 at 2:28 pm
Achievement descriptions are online:
http://steamgames.com/tf2/heavy/kgb.htm
And yes… there will be sandwiches!
August 15th, 2008 at 3:15 pm
Entries are now closed, due to the achievements being announced by Valve. Thanks to all who entered, and look for our analysis soon!
August 19th, 2008 at 6:28 am
all but one are right, and the one is almost right, but not quite