Valve’s Heavy Update site has revealed the first new unlockable weapon for Team Fortress 2’s big, cuddly Heavy Weapons Guy: The “Killing Gloves of Boxing,” a new melee weapon which will please pugilism patrons everywhere. That’d be pretty awesome by itself, but if you look carefully at the accompanying image pack that’s included with the new site, Valve has dropped quite a few hints as to what’s in store for TF2 players in the next update…
First, the weapon: When wearing the KGB, killing an enemy will grant the heavy five seconds of guaranteed crits, which can (A) be chained together for further KGB kills and longer crit times, and (B) be used with the Heavy’s other weapons, if you’re fast enough.
Valve has also unveiled the 35 new Heavy-specific achievements, though not the conditions it will take to get them. The list alone is worth reading, just for the awesome names. My favorites are “Redistribution of Health,” “Pushkin the Kart,” “Stalin the Kart,” and “Lenin a Hand.” What’re yours?
Of course, it seems we’ll have to wait for Valve to tell us how to earn these new achievements — or will we? Valve has also provided a collection of high-resolution images of all the new achievement icons, and they happen to have the most interesting filenames! For example, “Show Trial,” an icon featuring the Heavy’s melee taunt, happens to be named “tf_heavy_kill_taunt.” “Crock Block,” featuring a Heavy’s hand and a rocket launcher, is named “tf_heavy_survive_crocket.” And, tantalizingly, “Konspicuous Konsumption” is named “tf_heavy_eat_sandwiches.”
I happen to believe, therefore, that there are about to be sandwiches in TF2. Maybe the new gameplay mode is about sandwiches! I have no idea how this would be implemented, but I don’t see how a game about ultraviolence and sandwiches can be anything other than ridiculously awesome. Whole wheat and extra carnage, please.
Stay tuned for further updates!
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