Time’s up, fellow geeks! It’s time to decide who deserves Wii Points in order to worry about their hard drive space, making you “geeks and otaku” just like Laurent Fischer said. In the last two weeks, we’ve gotten a handful of stories from a few of our more dedicated and worrisome readers, each trying to out-nerd the last in a shameless bid for free Wii Points. The deadline has passed, and today we shall select our two winners. But, first, in order to prove to you that we’re qualified to judge you, we’d like to share our own otaku moments — tales so pathetic that we wanted to use them to win the prizes ourselves. Oh, if only we were eligible for such things!
Shameless anecdotes and contest winners, after the break!
Rock Band (Jesse):
I’ve been a Harmonix fanboy for years now; my copies of FreQuency and Amplitude still see a fair amount of use, I own two volumes of Karaoke Revolution, and I owned both Guitar Hero I and II (PS2, both with bundled guitars) on launch day. So, when news first broke about Rock Band, I was thrilled beyond measure. Four players? Karaoke Revolution + Guitar Hero + DrumMania? I was ecstatic. I drove my friends insane with constant news updates about the game — every time a new song was confirmed or a new feature unveiled, I told everyone I knew — in particular, the three close friends who I’d convinced to join my impending band on launch day.
In the weeks approaching launch, my local Best Buy received a demo bundle of the game. It was an incomplete version, of course: The drums had no bass pedal, the song list was severely truncated, and the Best Buy employees refused to attach a second guitar. Still, for those of us who couldn’t wait to play, it was as good as we were going to get, and I dragged two friends out to the store to sample my new obsession.
Best Buy, by this time, was used to my type, it seemed. The demo kit had abundant signage warning us that our play time would be severely monitored and limited. 10 minutes was better than none, of course, so we took up the instruments and began to (pretend to) rock. Sadly, the demo guitar suffered from the same defects as the original release version, namely, an extremely flimsy strum bar. This, coupled with the fact that this particular demo kit had seen enough use to warrant the strict timer, meant that the instrument was unplayable by the time I got my hands on it. The strummer was completely destroyed, ensuring any guitarist would fail out almost immediately.
Desperate to try the game with both of my friends, I resorted to a drastic measure worthy of otaku shame. I approached an employee, and offered to buy one of the Guitar Hero II guitars on display, on the condition that they would allow me to open it there in the store and hook it up to the Rock Band display. That’s right: In full view of my friends and a handful of fellow customers, I offered to make a $60 purchase in order to be able to play an incomplete version of Rock Band for ten minutes.
To be fair, this wasn’t entirely an act of insanity. I knew full well that the guitar would stand as a later investment; I didn’t yet own a guitar for the 360 and I’d need a second one for the four-player experience when Rock Band finally came out. But, at the time, the only use I’d have for this purchase would be to play the demo.
The Best Buy employees, sadly, would not allow the arrangement to pass. Even sadder still — my Xbox suffered the Red Ring of Death merely a week before Rock Band launched.
Metal Gear Solid (Sean):
When the original Metal Gear Solid (PS1) came out, the hype and promise was enough to whip anyone into a frenzy. The game, quite simply, was a must-have title, and there was no exception to be made for a young gamer who was not yet eligible to buy M-rated titles. The only thing standing between this underaged otaku and tactical espionage bliss was parental permission, and that obstacle had to be overcome at all costs — including dignity. Thus, the following heartfelt letter passed from son to mother…
2/21/01
Dear Mom, I am writing on the topic of the way people live their lives. All people strive to achieve what is known as the state of utter happiness. There is no such thing as utter happiness. Whatever happens in your life, you will always have moments of fun, of laughter, of excitement, and moments of sadness, and lost hope. Between these is the nothingness called boredom.
People cannot stand boredom, unless it comes in small quantities called meditation. People will do anything to destroy boredom. They will think of ideas, research their entire brain for memories, and play everything in their skull over and over until they go insane. There are things we do constantly to shut out boredom, and they come in two types: Repetition, and Discovery.
Discovery is when you find a new thing that you’ve never tried before, either a variation on an old thing, or an entirely new idea or concept. These discoveries take time, therefore releasing you for a time from the clutches of boredom. This is what the entire concept of Adventure is. Adventure is supposed to be the ultimate escape from boredom, as it is something you would do in real life maybe once in a lifetime, but probably would never be able to do. There are two ways to discover something: In real life, and in a simulation. Obviously, real life is more interesting, but is also more dangerous, and a lot more expensive, for some of the more exciting (therefore less boredom) Discoveries. In both fields, there is a sense of accomplishment achieved after the thing is done. If you enjoy the Simulation, you may be motivated enough to strive to achieve it in real life.
On the other side, Repetition is doing something you’ve already done, except over and over again. Sometimes you are not quite repeating the activity, as you have changed a variable or two, to see if you can make a new discovery. Repetition is never as interesting as Discovery. Notice the word interesting, not fun. Being dropped off a cliff several thousand feet up is probably very painful, and not much fun at the end, but if I could make that one of my Discoveries, as well as many other things I would like to do, then I’m all go for that being my last moment. Now back to Repetition. Many people spend their lives doing non-interesting Repetition (jobs, if they are lucky, maybe interesting) just to have the chance to spend their off time and money doing a little discovery. Of course, most of that money is spent supporting their own welfare while doing the job(s). For many people, Repetition does give them an escape from boredom. If you are busy with your pre-planned schedule, how are you going to notice boredom?
This is where Movies, Books, Music, Games, and other simulations come in. These are all discoveries (some are varied repetitions) which all come at a relatively cheap cost, and do not have the danger factor associated with say, Snowboarding while trying to land a 1080°. The video games allow more of the visuals in, while the books and movies (and some RPG and Adventure games) allow you to see and understand people’s thoughts and dreams. These do not just allow you to experience your own world through simulations, but get drawn into other worlds. Music is a different feeling altogether, which cannot be explained in words. Certain songs may be heard once, and disliked, while others can be heard thousands of times, and still be liked. Music seems to bind people together. (If you watch an area where music is playing, you will notice many people move to the music without realizing it!)
There is no feeling I have yet experienced as amazing and saddening as the ending of a good book or RPG game, where you finally realize that the characters you met actually do not have futures, as the creator hasn’t written them yet. You sigh, maybe cry a little if the ending or parting of ways was sad, and hope with all your heart for the sequel to come. These free you from not only the boredom of life, but also the boredom of non-interesting repetition. I feel that if I were to have a career that would involve interesting repetition, it would be in a field that includes these types of Discoveries.
So, if you want to lead a band of pirates through a fantasy world which doesn’t exist, walk on the surface of Mars in a futurist pressure suit, or take on a realistic role of a slick espionage agent, without any real bloodshed or potential hazards to national security, then books, movies, games, and simulations may be your ticket to many years of fun and excitement.
Years later, someone would pay me to do this for a living. But I was 15 when I wrote this, just to get permission to play MGS… and it didn’t work. All of this reason and impassioned prose, and I had to wait two more years to buy the game. Rest assured, none of your stories were able to top that, but we had to pick some of them. So, without further ado…
THE WINNERS!
- First Place (4000 Wii Points): Seaniccus
It’s not just because we think you have a keen name, honest. Casemodding and homebrew tend to reach extreme levels of dedication and geekery, but this is something else. It singlehandedly combines a handful of different game elements (and broken copyrights) into one glorious testament to your gaming passion, it’s actually functional, and you appear to have sacrificed your entire garage to this effort. Enjoy your 4000 Wii Points, sir, with our respect.
- Second Place (2000 Wii Points): enbob
Being a long-time, frequent contributor to Wikipedia takes a special level of geekdom all its own. Your edits in particular appear to be obsessive and nit-picky — exactly what it takes to provide up-to-date, accurate information to the rest of the world. Through your geekery, the rest of us geeks may benefit. Kudos and 2000 Wii Points to you!
- Honorable Mention: Timmo
Let’s face it. Anybody who is presented with, functionally, the exact same game for either $30 or $500 and picks the latter, is a pretty huge otaku.
- Honorable Mention: Don
Mostly we just want to see your Mario Kart Hat. Pics plz.
There you have it, folks - thanks to everybody who entered. See you the next time we have free stuff!
July 8th, 2008 at 10:59 pm
Whoa.
Sean: That’s a pretty epic letter. I think I tried that once. Why didn’t those things ever work? For me, such attempts always resulted in the “nice try” eye roll. It was heartbreaking.
Jessie: I love that story because it really shows a love of the game. Being willing to pay $60.00 to play a demo of a game is dedication on the level of buying a console for a SINGLE game on it that you are interested in.
You guys really are geeks. You belong here.