GameCyte

Hello, gamers, enthusiasts, and evidence-seeking politicians! We're instituting a new system here at GameCyte; a system we hope you'll like: From now on, we will be assigning scores to the games we review, defining each title on a pre-defined scale for quick and easy assessment of our overall impressions. Some of our long-time readers may wonder why we are doing this -- our reviews have largely spoken for themselves, conveying our feelings with all of the giddiness/loathing that a game can inspire. Don't worry, we're not going to start dumbing down our reviews or pull our punches. Here at GameCyte, thoroughness, depth, and quality are our mantra, and we intend to keep writing our reviews to the standards you've come to expect.

On the other hand, for those of you who grow weary of our ramblings after the first twelve paragraphs or so, this will allow you to jump the gun and get our final verdict in a simple and easy-to-follow manner. This will also allow you to contrast and compare games, at a time when you're on a budget, but most of all, it will provide you with a reliable gauge for your gaming decisions. When we at GameCyte have assigned a game a four or five-star rating -- or when we give a game our seal of approval -- you can rest easy, knowing that we've given you an assessment that we're prepared to stand by, with consistency and fairness.

Plus, when we're wrong, you can feel totally justified in hunting us down and kicking us in the face.

GameCyte's new review scale will operate on a star-based rating, from one to five. Know that our ratings become more difficult to obtain as they veer farther to either end of the spectrum -- we firmly believe that most games are deserving of an "average" score. That's why they call it an average. Most games to receive this score are quite fun and playable, and worth a try -- a 3-star game will still provide you with a good time. Think of it as a bell curve.

Still confused? Here's a deeper look at what our scores mean:

Magnum Opus.

This game, more than being impressive, more than being technologically incredible, heck -- more than being ordinary fun -- this game is revolutionary. There is something about this game that sets it head-and-shoulders above its contemporaries, that makes it a solid entry in the "Games are Art" debate. This is the kind of game that defines a genre, that builds a career, and provides an unforgettable moment in gaming history. You owe it to yourself to play this game -- it would be practically criminal to skip it.

Color Me Impressed.

This game is pretty dang awesome, if we may be so bold. Genre fans will want to own this title, and newcomers to the fold can use this game as a good benchmark for what this type of game can do. This game isn't just one more in the pack -- its graphics are perhaps a little more impressive, its gameplay just a little tighter, its story just a little more memorable than its peers. You won't regret playing this game, and if you pirate it, you're a dick.

Yep, That Sure is a Game.

Two out of three games deserve this rating. This isn't a bad game, by any stretch; it's actually pretty good. Some folks clearly worked hard at making this game a reality, and it shows -- a decent, engaging, thoroughly competent experience all around. If this game falls within your wheelhouse, playing it is sure to keep you reasonably entertained, but if you're looking for the next big thing, you might be a little let down. Give it a go -- you do like games, right? This one is also a game.

Please Try Harder Next Time.

C'mon -- you can do better than that, guys. I mean, yes, you've hit all the points on your checklist, but is that really all you've brought to the table? Games with this score are lacking in some way, placing them below average. Maybe you shipped with a handful of bugs that a little more testing would have easily caught. Maybe your control scheme could have used some customization. Maybe your voice actors make us cringe. Or, most likely of all, maybe we're just disappointed that you made the exact same game you made last year. We know you could've gone the extra mile, guys.

Are You Kidding Me?

Seriously? You want money for this? Are you honestly going to sit there and tell me that your buggy, broken, unbalanced, dated, blatant cash-in, ripped-off, unplayable bag of crap is worth paying for? This has to be a joke. Did you play this game at any point in time before releasing it on an unsuspecting public? Were you on quota or something? I wouldn't recommend this game to anybody, for any reason. Even die-hard fans of the genre would punch you if they met you. Your game is bad and you should feel bad.

We'll be applying this scale to all of our reviews from this point on. Now you know! And knowing, well.