The sheer amount of precious video game news coming through the pipes today is mindboggling. I just can't keep up. All I know for sure is that April 1st, 2008 is a day that will go down in gaming history.
We're equal-opportunity enthusiasts here at GameCyte, so let's break it down by demographic:
Sony Defense Force
Remember how confused and dismayed you were at the Assassin's Creed cliffhanger ending? Well, for me, the biggest disappointment was that I might have to wait years for a sequel. But that's simply not the case, because Assassin's Creed 2 is actually Metal Gear Solid 4. Yes, you heard me right - Altair is actually Solid Snake! Ubisoft and Kojima Productions have been dropping bread crumbs for ages.
You thought you had all those cryptic numbers and flaming symbols figured out, but you never could have seen this one coming. Don't believe me? Here's an actual gameplay video featuring developers Jade Raymond and Hideo Kojima:
Ninten-doners
Nintendo fanboys don't go away: we've got some amazing news for you as well. They're finally making that Legend of Zelda movie we've been dying to watch, and IGN has the world-exclusive first trailer. Getting the full Lord of the Rings treatment, it looks spectacular, and judging by the dialogue we heard it sounds like a fusion of Link to the Past and Ocarina of Time, the best games in the series. Save the date: April 1st, 2009.
X-boxers
Microsoft and Sony have been playing the "who can introduce more versions of the same product" for a while now, but today Big Green showcased two new Xbox 360 SKUs like you've never seen before. If you're on your third consecutive Red Ring of Death, Microsoft will send you a brand new Xbox 360 Vintage Edition, encased in solid wood for better airflow and heat dissipation. We're totally digging the typewriter key joystick too. Meanwhile, U.S. Marines units scheduled for their fourth tour of duty will be field testing the Xbox 360 Recon Edition and this incredibly badass Xbox 360 Wireless Helmet:
Casual Gamers
ThinkGeek always brings us weird Japanese toys (like the infamous USB Humping Dog) but this takes the cake: a game for the Nintendo Wii that allows the ladies to play with their own motion-controlled Wii-wii. Disgusting? Yes. A best-seller? Undoubtedly. Dubbed Super Pii Pii Brothers, it includes the first useful Wii peripheral -- a Wiimote "harness" -- and boasts realistic fluid dynamics and 100 different bathrooms in which to test your ballistic prowess.
Blizzard Fanboys
Blizzard has taken its sweet, sweet time (as always) in porting WoW to consoles, but it's finally on its way in the form of World of Warcraft: The Molten Core, a two-dimensional title taking cues from great dungeon crawlers of the past but with modern VoIP support.
Meanwhile, PC WoWsers will find solace in rock with the new Bard class. Blizzard seems to have taken notice of Rock Band's massive popularity, as Bard players will have a full fret bar on-screen. According to the release,
the better the player’s accuracy and timing, the more powerful the resulting ability becomes. The riffs also become more difficult as the bard’s abilities progress, ensuring that the bard gameplay experience remains fast-paced and skill-oriented. Executing abilities also builds up groove, which further fuels the bard’s epic rock powers. Some abilities such as "Epic Solo" require a certain amount of groove to be unleashed, and the more groove, the more powerful the effect.
You can see the Bard bone a mean axe here, but if that doesn't quite turn it up to 11, check out this double-bass for Guitar Hero.
StarCraft II also has one hell of a new unit: the Tauren Marine. At first we were a little concerned about the fan-fiction repercussions of such a dramatic choice to blend the worlds of WarCraft and StarCraft, but after watching the little guy sit there and chew on his cigar a bit, we're sold. Give us a squad of these over a Protoss Mothership any day.
Not to be outdone, WoW rival The Lord of the Rings Online today announces their new expansion, The Battle of Amon Hen.
Game Journalism Cake Lovers
By far the best news today for us at GameCyte? Our most fearsome competitor Kotaku has dropped out of the video game journalism business. Having purchased GameCakes.com and rebranded their main site Kaketaku, they're out of our hair forever.
No more will we waste your time by detailing the movements of game company CEOs, revealing early the secrets of consoles and developers alike, instead we will work to push Game Caking to the frosty heights it so richly deserves.
While we'll miss Kotaku's entertaining memes, a taste of Bashcraft Buttercream Frosting should serve to stop the glistening tears streaming down our cheeks -- and we can always tune in to Foxtoid News to get our sensationalist right-wing gaming fix.
In other news, Joystiq's WoW Insider decided enough was enough and immediately disbanded to realize their dreams as Hello Kitty Online Insider. It will undoubtedly be our one stop shop for all things Sanrio in the minutes and seconds to come.
So with no further ado: HAPPY APRIL FOOLS DAY!
P.S. Capcom's Natsumi Shiozawa says Sheng Long will be unlockable in Street Fighter IV. Somehow, we're just not convinced.
November 29th, 2008 at 8:06 pm
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